The Cost of a Life

I’ve been gone from this space for a year and a half. It’s been one of the toughest seasons of my life. I stopped writing here because I had to know something to write something, and so much of what I thought I knew was shaken to its core. However, today, what has brought me out of my silent unknowing, is the same thing that caused me to begin this blog: adoption. 
I am not the same person I was before my husband and I were called to adopt our son. But there is something that has never changed. It is my unwavering belief that adoption is nothing short of gospel work. It is the work of the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Because of this, adoption is deeply opposed. 

Within the last week, I heard these arguments regarding the adoption of a child from another country:

1. Why didn’t you just adopt from America?

2. Why wouldn’t you give all that money to an organization that would use it to help more than just one person? 

3. I can’t support international adoption because it is too much like human trafficking. 

I am sure that many who read this will be as surprised as I am, but apparently this kind of thinking still exists, even within the body of Christ. 

There really has to be a mindset shift. 

People who give to adoptions are helping others to redeem children out of poverty, bondage, trauma and abandonment. It is sharing financial resources so an orphan can have a family. It isn’t helping a family get a kid. We have kids. We don’t need more kids. And even for people who don’t have children before adoption, it isn’t about getting something. It’s about welcoming strangers into our families and making them sons and daughters. We aren’t heroes. We just believe Jesus when he says, “You are my body.” He has no hands and no feet on this earth but us. God has only one plan for the orphan crisis: You and me.  In welcoming a child, we are welcoming Jesus, Himself. 

About those questions up there? They weren’t addressed to me, but I adopted a child from another country, so I’ll answer them.  

1. God spoke to me about a specific child, not a country. But what if I had just decided to choose a country and then wait to be matched with a child? (I think most international adoptions fit one of these two situations.) Is a child of a particular nationality or race or gender more deserving or more valuable than another? If I help someone, why criticize by asking why I didn’t help a different person? 

2. As for spending all that money on just one child: how much is a child worth? It doesn’t matter how much it costs. That child, every child is priceless. Redeeming lives is costly. What about financial corruption in the adoption process? It certainly isn’t the fault of the children, and they should not be abandoned once again because of poor choices on the part of adults. In other words, adopt anyway. 

3. As for any similarities with human trafficking, I shudder to think that anyone could have that opinion. How can one compare taking a child OUT of a dangerous situation and putting him into a loving family with capturing or buying children for abuse? We did not BUY a child. We paid the cost to have the assistance we needed from lawyers, judges, consultants, notaries, translators, pilots, restaurants, hotels and other services to bring a child out of an unprotected life into a family. 

My husband and I spent tens of thousands to bring our son out of trauma, hunger, mental illness, sexual abuse, abandonment, ignorance, and so many other horrific conditions. Around half of that was “our” money and the rest of it was given by others. Every penny belonged to Jesus, and he made sure we had it so we could bring this child into our home. Is he worth it? Absolutely. And that’s not because he fits into our life beautifully, and we now have a snuggly, loving relationship. After two and a half years, he still makes it very clear that he’d rather have someone else for a mother, that he doesn’t trust me any further than he can throw me. But when I think about what he lived through, what he was still living through when we brought him home, I would have paid a lot more to get him out. I do pay a lot more, everyday. I pay with my life. 

Whoever tries to save his own life will lose it and whoever lays down his life will find it. 

As a culture, we, the body of Christ, have to get over the idea that this is about money.

This is about who or what HAS YOUR HEART. 

This is about real life and real love and the meaning of family and the gospel. It’s about how much we will let Christ live out HIS life IN us.